It has been entirely too long since I have sat down and written something substantial. My thoughts have been rooted in so many different places lately that every time I try to get something out it is like pulling teeth. Thus I’m not going to try and structure this at all. Let us just see where my mind takes me, shall we?
The one year anniversary of my high school graduation has just come to pass, thus putting me in a nostalgic state of mind. Then again, when am I not? Webster doesn’t have enough words for me to describe how much my life has changed in that year. I scroll through my Facebook newsfeed, seeing this year’s graduates exclaim their joy at being done with high school. I can’t help but chuckle though. They think life is going to be different, but they have no idea. I feel the need to roughly run through everything that has happened since May 27th of last year. I spent the summer clinging to my childhood with my high school best friends. Harry Potter consumed our entire summer. Three months spent strengthening amazing friendships that we knew were about to be put through the ringer. And boy were we right. Move in day. Walking away from my parent’s car at the end of the day was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. For the first week I was miserable. No classes, nothing to keep me busy. I seriously considered transferring home. But a wise man warned me those thoughts would come. He told me to fight through it. So I did. Classes picked up, I wasn’t as miserable. Class was class. Everyone knows college is difficult, no surprise there. That first semester I had a very difficult time adjusting. I fought tooth and nail to hold onto the friendships that got me through that summer. Thus I didn’t allow myself to form new ones like I should have. I did however manage one close friendship, one that I am ever so grateful for. November hit and all hell broke loose. I gave it up to an asshole that will never change. Cue some angry Taylor Swift song. No doubt she has one to fit the situation. But that was kind of for the better, I’m starting to think. That short ordeal seems to really have changed how I approach things. I branched out, I wasn’t afraid of meeting new people for I vowed to never go back to anyone that has known me since I was twelve. I reached the point where I realized a fresh start was in order. But I also decided I didn’t need to date anyone. It would come when it was supposed to. The day I declared to become a cat lady (not out of loneliness, I just like cats and decided I didn’t need a man) I met him, the guy who has made me so happy in the last three months. But, because life is never that easy, he lived six hours away. I never thought long distance relationships worked. I thought they were kind of dumb. What’s the point, I always thought. Now I realize that with the right person, they make complete sense and are more than worth it. I had just never been with anyone that would’ve been worth the effort and turmoil. I would definitely classify this as my first “adult” relationship. You know, those good ones. Real conversations. Deep conversations. Things of substance. Disagreements rooted in real concerns not petty, immature ones. Compromise. Promises that are kept. Feelings. So many feelings that you don’t know what to do with them all. I can’t remember a time I’ve been this happy. Long distance is difficult, it is something I never in a million yearsI thought I would be able to deal with. But I do, for him. Just hearing his voice makes my day better. When I get to see his face on Skype, it’s like Christmas has come early. But the real kicker is when I get to see him in person. Starting a relationship long distance forced us to get to know each other differently, on a deeper level right from the start. It’s taught just how much people take the simple aspects of relationships for granted. With Dillon, I countdown weeks to see him and the thing I look forward to the most is just a simple hug from him. Something that never used to mean anything with anyone else other than a monotonous act of affection. I could go on forever. To sum it up, I’m finally happy. I will definitely touch again on this topic in a later blog post. I finished out my Freshman year of college one hundred times happier than I started it. I’ve finally laid roots in College Station. I have a life there now, I’m no longer miserable there. It’s a great feeling. I’m becoming an adult and it’s terrifying, but I’m doing it. I’ve allowed myself to make new friendships that will last and forced myself to accept the fact that my old friends are changing, we all are, and none of us really like where the others are going. It’s a sad truth to have to face.
I look back at that eighteen year old girl that walked across that stage one year ago and I almost don’t recognize her. Of course I am still me. Forever a nerdy introvert I shall be. But my outlook on life and my approach to it, completely different.
I fear I must leave it at that for now, it is closing in on five am. That felt grand to get out, however.
Peace
d
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