Happy eighteenth birthday to me..

So. I just got my acceptance letter from Texas A&M. Talk about a Christmas present. :)

Peace

D

What's the Point of Living if You're Always Afraid of Dying?

The New Version of the Old Me

I have really got to stop thinking so much. My brain gets harder and harder to shut down.

Here I share with you a lovely webcam shot of me and my lovely Christmas present from Collin. :)

Anywho. So I was thinking, this time a year ago I was a completely different person. And I don’t mean my hair was redder, or I was a few inches shorter. Mainly because my hair is just as red, and sadly I have not grown. What I mean is I have changed, like really changed. Let me break this down:

A year ago, I had a best friend. A best friend who had been such for about five years. Now, we hardly talk except for at school and working at the library. We have completely and utterly drifted apart.

A year ago, my friend wasn’t living with me. I would call Nari my best friend, but I feel more like family at this point. I love her like a sister, and fight with her like one also.

A year ago, I wasn’t happy. At all. I still felt guilty. Now I don’t. However, a year ago, I hadn’t ever lost a friend to Death’s unfair grasp. Now I have.

Among these things, I have also become more, dare I say, social in that year’s time. More tolerant, more understanding, older, wiser. More a lot of things.

I will be eighteen in ten days. Eighteen. I can buy cigarettes. Buy a lottery ticket. Get a tattoo. Peirce whatever I want. I will legally be an adult. Scary.

This doesn’t even put a dent in all the thoughts scrambling around in my mind. But perhaps now I can sleep.

Peace

d

I start to wish he had been my first love. But then I remember first loves never last.

How Lucky I am to Have Something that Makes Saying Goodbye so Hard

I crawl into bed with a crisp glass of Dr. Pepper in my hand and a new blog post on my mind.

The first semester of my Senior year is nearly over. My application to the only college I have ever wanted to attend has been mailed. My life is changing everyday, I am doing things for the last time, and preparing myself to say goodbye to things and people I know. I have so many thoughts jumping around in my head, I have no idea where to start .
Let me just challenge college as a whole. Following is a very unorganized list of thought, questions, and/or seventeen year old drama concerning my departure to college in about seven months.

• What if for some unreasonable, unthinkable, totally horrible and crazy reason I am not accepted. I am aware that my place in the top 5% of my class means that this probably won’t happen. But still, what if?
• Can I handle the possibility of living with a complete stranger, that very well could have the makings of an Unsub? I have never shared a thing in my life. I. Am. Screwed.
• I am confident that I will not miss many people from home. And when I say ‘many’, I mean I probably won’t miss anyone but five very important people. Mom, Dad, Bri, my Nannie, and Collin.

• Is knowing how to do my own laundry, and how to cook Ramen noodles, enough? Will I survive?
• I have a feeling that me leaving will seriously mess my parents up, if not push them farther apart.
• People do it all the time. Long distance relationships work.. right?

I reserve the right to add to this list at any given time.
How does that song go? Every new beginning is some other beginning’s end. I agree. High school went by so fast. Too fast. Entirely too fast. I liked High school. A lot. But I am on to bigger ponds, smaller fish.

That is all for now. Surprisingly this post has brought on an undesired sense of melancholy.

peace

d