Letters are crap. People suck. And you should never tell anyone how you feel.

Day Nine- Your Beliefs: In Great Detail.

“ A belief is not merely an idea the mind possesses. It is an idea that possesses the mind.” – Robert Oxton Bolton.

 

I had to stop and think about this one. I believe a lot of things. And, in turn, there are a lot of things I refuse to believe in. I believe in a God. I have a very hard time putting faith in someone, something, like that. Something that vast and vague. I am skeptical to say the least. You know, I had a friend tell me that I didn’t believe in God. She assumed that because I can’t be caught within a 100 yards of a church, I simply must not believe. She told me I needed a stronger faith present in my life. I could spend all my time praying..Or I could take my life into my own hands. I think people need a healthy balance of both. But I also feel that most people don’t actually have beliefs. Instead, they constantly change and manipulate their “beliefs” to justify their actions. And that is all I have to say about that.

 

Peace

d

Day Eight- A Moment: In great Detail.

“There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world. The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance.” -Gilbert Parker

When I reach into my subconscious to pull out a moment to share with you, all that I can seem to grab are ones filled with loss. Sucky, right?

December, 2004. I was eleven years old and in the sixth grade. I do believe that is when things, my foundation, started to crumble. I was in my first play that year. I was the third elf. I had about ten lines. I was excited beyond belief. Growing up I had always managed to get out of any and every program/play/production my school put on. I was that kid that always got my Mom to write me a note or pull me out of class. I don’t think it was stage fright or anything of that nature. I just really didn’t want to do it. So anyway. My Uncle was in the hospital, ICU. He was one of the most amazing people I had ever been around. He was sort of the grandfather figure in my life. He was technically my third cousin. We called him Uncle George. My Nannie’s age. Such a great person. So. He spent almost a month in ICU. My family spent everyday at Baylor. Playing the waiting game, one I’m all to familiar with these days. It was strange actually, his doctor was my first grade teacher’s brother. Small world I guess. Things were decided, they were going to remove the ventilator. The night of my debut as an elf. My parent’s had to be at the hospital, so Bri and her best friend came to watch me. If I do say so myself, and I do, I was the best third elf Lucille Nash Intermediate had ever seen. But, during the play, my uncle died. One of the most prominent male figures in my life at the time. I think that is when it all started. When I started to shut myself down, distance myself. What should have been a happy memory became a terrible reminder that people leave. The ones you need can’t and won’t always be there. December 14, 2004. I always hated Tuesdays.

Peace

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Day Seven- Your Best Friend: In Great Detail.

“ I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects.” –Oscar Wilde

 

I honestly don’t feel like I have a best friend. Anymore at least. Don’t get me wrong, Kelly and I are close. It just seems we have slipped to just under the best friend status.

My first real best friend held that title for almost eleven years. We actually first met because of my sister. I was in the second grade and she in the first. Bri was her babysitter. We hit it off immediately. However, we were always and still are complete opposites. We were like family. We were family. So many inside jokes and great memories. But things change. People change. Now Kelly and I have known each other for six almost seven years. In the sixth grade she thought I was a snob and I thought she was a freak for only eating peanut butter. Because personally I can’t stand the stuff. We didn’t really become best friends until maybe the eighth grade and then fully Freshman year. We have matching freckles on our arms in the shape of an almost perfect rectangle. Hah. Kelly and I have a lot of things in common, but then again not. We enjoy some of the same activities. You know, normal stuff. For awhile Sam was my best friend. My confidante if you will. Mostly, all I seek in a best friend is someone I can talk to, share things with. Someone who can make me laugh, can tolerate me. I have many weird quirks and require a LOT of patience. Hah. No. Really. People who really get you are hard to come by. Value them. Be grateful. And well that makes it seem even more likely that I will become a lonely old cat woman. I don’t even really like cats. I am a dog person.

 

Peace

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Peace

d

Day Six- Your Day: In Great Detail.

Redo!

 

So I am still sick but have refrained from taking any medication today. I am the epitome of rebel. Hah. So I am going to write this about today instead of the day I was actually supposed to. So today.. I woke up at about noon. I really really enjoy my sleep. I would much rather sleep during the day than at night actually. So yes I woke up. I checked all 39 text messages and 5 emails. Walked my happy self to the refrigerator. I just had a very difficult time spelling refrigerator. Grabbed the Orange Juice, and walked my happy self right back to my bed. I have had this really weird like head cold, swollen throat, achy body thing. Take all of that throw in some serious guilt and you’ve got me for the last three days! :D After about half an hour I took a shower and found myself ,yet again, in my bed. I got on my laptop, checked my other email accounts, some blogs, the usual. I actually haven’t been on Facebook in a couple of days. I get into these weird moods where I really can’t stand to. I have to cut myself off from the world. So after all of that I just laid around all day. Didn’t eat until dinner. We had spaghetti. After dinner I was convinced, yet again, that I suck and am a horrible person. I am in dyer need of girl talk. And here we are now. Wow I knew I was lame, but reading it makes it more real. Hah. Well that was entertaining.

 

Peace

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Day Five- Your Definition of Love: In Great Detail.

I foresee a lot of clichés in this posts future.

Love is nice. Love is amazing. Love is breathtakingly nice and amazing. I believe love is a state of mind as much as a feeling expressed towards others. Love is not caring how you appear to others. Judgment goes out the window.  All that matters is those two people being together. When I love someone, I go out of my way to think of their feelings. It’s no longer about just you. Love is more than a physical attraction. It is being on the same wave length. Love is hard. Love is not for those who give up easily. It requires patience. It is not something you can turn off. It is when someone gets you unlike anyone you’ve ever known. If you love someone, I believe you have to at least give it a chance or you will always regret it. Love is finding someone who shares your morals. You don’t have to have had the same upbringing or the same favorite color, you just have to accept someone. I think that is so huge. To be willing to overlook the flaws in someone, merely because the good things overshadow the bad. Nowadays people confuse love with sex. I think they are wrong. Though I find nothing wrong with two people in love having sex, I don’t think having sex makes someone fall in love with you. Love consists of so many emotions there is no way you could list them all. Love is a promise. Love hurts. It’s sticking by someone when they are down. And having someone who would do the same for you. Love is possible at all ages. It’s telling someone everyday how you feel, because you never know when they won’t be there anymore. Love is not being able to control your emotions, and not understanding why you do things. It sucks when it is over and leaves you helpless and longing for more.
Unfortunately, I have just at the ripe age of seventeen come to realize what all love is, and what it entails.
I wish I had realized this sooner.
peace
d

Day Four- What You Ate Today: In Great Detail.

I don’t drink Pepsi.

 

This shouldn’t be entertaining or even worth reading. And the reason for that is I hardly eat! Not like in a bad way.. I just don’t get hungry or am busy doing something and don’t stop and think to eat. So I couldn’t write this post until now, because I just ate for the first time today. I went to CiCi’s with my parents. Because when both my sister and I were young and accomplished something we would all go out to dinner as a family, usually at CiCi’s. That and they have a buffet with brownies, why wouldn’t you go there?! So this is exactly what I ate, are you excited to read this? You should be, I am. Okay.. I walked in and went straight to the salad bar. I try really hard not to line jump. Partly because I am very anal and insist on getting my food in order of the line. So I got a nice crisp salad with ranch dressing, and croutons. I think it is impossible to eat a salad without croutons. Crazy people. Like I said, I don’t really like to line jump, but there was this woman! This woman who was taking FOREVER to pick her salad toppings.. So i was forced to line jump. I won’t make a habit of it though, I promise! So anyway, I then decided on some nice Pepperoni pizza. Yes it should be capitalized =_=. Grammar Nazi. That is the only kind of pizza I have ever eaten. I’m usually not too picky about my crust, as long as it has a fair amount of cheese we are good. I made one trip back to the buffet line for pizza. And that was it. I had an AirHead on the way home. And that is all I have eaten today. Although, many many glasses of Dr. Pepper have been consumed today.  Doesn’t your life feel complete now that you know what I have eaten today? I think so.

:)

Peace

d

Day Three- Your Parents: In Great Detail.

This should be even more fun than yesterday! Can you sense the sarcasm?

 

My Mom and Dad are pretty cool. They aren’t strict. But I don’t really give them a reason to be. Mine and my Dad’s personalities are almost identical. That isn’t always a good thing. My Mom, however, has the same personality as my sister. Which causes problems. Both of my parents work very hard to make sure my sister and I have anything we could ever need. They always have. I used to be a total “Daddy’s Girl”. Now I am close with both, I somehow manage to be distant though. I have never been grounded or really in trouble. Neither of my parents scare me. My Dad , like me, can have a temper, and doesn’t let anyone see his emotions. I guess that is where I get it. He is very smart and analytical. He grew up in Wharton, Texas. He had a sucky childhood, so in turn makes sure my sister and I get to do what we want to. I hardly know his side of the family. Though he denies it, this makes him sad. I know he is very proud of my sister and I, though he doesn’t always show it. We argue quite a bit. And we are both too stubborn to walk away from an easy argument. I think my favorite times with him were when I was about seven to ten. We would go camping and fishing. Sometimes we would take my brother and make a bonding thing out of it. I just really enjoyed having a Dad that did stuff with me. Not that he doesn’t now. We still camp and fish and such. Things are just a little more hectic now. He is always more than willing to teach me something. Whether it be about cars, the horses, or what have you. He’s a good guy.

My mom grew up totally different than my dad, or even us. She grew up in Conroe, Texas. The thing I most admire about my mother is how selfless she is. She always puts herself last. No matter what. Living with my dad and myself is hard for her. We tend to take advantage of how much she does for us. We are working on it though. We go through weird spells of getting along and then not. She is religious. She would be happier if I were too. She has a sister and brother also. Though she is the middle child, she is the only responsible one. We take care of my Nannie, her mom. I would say we have a good relationship..On a good day? We know exactly how to push each other’s buttons though. My mom is always there to listen. I miss when she would pick me up from school, because the entire way home I would just ramble about my day. But she never minded. She still doesn’t. She lets me rant about anything, never judging me. 

Both of my parents are tall.. I am not. Strange. So yeah. I love my parents dearly. I know they are proud of me. We kind of have more of a friend relationship than anything, but I still know they make the rules. They rock. :D

That wasn’t so bad!

peace

d

Day Two- Your First Love: In Great Detail.

My oh my. This should be fun.

 

First loves aren’t supposed to last. Right? I mean they are all pretty much doomed from the beginning. Mine was no different. I think about it on a regular basis. What went wrong. You know, stupid girl stuff. And that sounds really weird, but the friendship that started said doomed relationship hasn’t been the same since. And I regret that. Well lets see. It all started in the Eighth grade. We didn’t date then, but that is when we became friends. Then we were really good friends. Then best friends. I could tell him anything, and we would talk about absolutely nothing. He could make me laugh for hours. When we first started dating, I actually can’t recall if this was Freshman or Sophomore year, I was stupid. I let High School drama ruin a good thing. I treated him like crap because I knew he would still be there. I feel horrible about that now. Because one day he wasn’t there anymore. I never let him know how happy he made me, and then I let other people influence my decisions. I was an absolute jerk, and I believe he had every right to never talk to me again. I thought I had known what I wanted. I was wrong. Almost a year after that, we dated again. Let’s just leave it at things didn’t work out. About a week ago, almost two years later, I finally told him what happened and why I made possibly one of the worst decisions in my life. And this all makes me sound like a really naive teenager. But I don’t think I am. I really valued that friendship more than anything. And I royally screwed it up. It’s not so much that I lost him as a boyfriend, but as a best friend. I say a lot in my blogs that no one really knows me. He very well might have been the only one that really did. I learned a lot about myself throughout all of that. And for that I am grateful. Now I re-read everything I just typed and am more than tempted not to post this for fear that he in fact will read it. I realize I didn’t actually go into great detail, bite me.

Peace

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Day One- Introduce Yourself.

So I found this 30 Day Challenge on Tumblr, and I think I am going to give it a try. It is basically just a different prompt everyday.

 

Well, my name is Dannelle :) Pronounced like “Danielle”. I am seventeen, but don’t really act like it. I go to Kaufman High School. This displeases me.  I will be a Senior this year and hope to attend Texas A&M. I loathe thunder storms, and absolutely cannot stand driving in the rain. I don’t need to be constantly entertained. I enjoy just hanging out at home. My family is a huge part of my life. My favorite times are those spent just sitting around visiting. I don’t tell people how I feel. I keep things bottled up, convinced I can handle them myself. Sometimes I am wrong. I like taking pictures, but am weird about showing them to people. I keep myself very distant from almost anything that could end up hurting me. I am thoroughly screwed up. But I manage. I have one sister, Briana, and one brother, Joey. I am an absolute nerd. I don’t like children. Children like me. Animals, however, I can deal with. I have two horses, four cows, a hamster, and a handful of dogs. I live on forty acres. I don’t go outside much, unless it is cold. I have no life, and I enjoy school too much. I have lost a lot of people in my life, and thus hold on dearly to those I love. Converse are what you will almost always find me wearing, or TOMS. And I do believe that is enough for now.

 

Peace

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